It’s hard to believe that my little man turned two years old last month. As I look back on the last two years and beyond, I’m so thankful for all that the Lord has done in my life. Joel sat recently reflecting on how the Lord has saved him in many instances from harm. That has caused me to be mindful of all that the Lord has done for me as well. As I reflect on the miracle of Noah alone, I see the mighty hand of Abba Daddy so strong in my life. Thank You, Lord… just doesn’t seem to say enough.
To say that it’s difficult for me to reflect on my birth experience is an understatement. However, I know that as I continue to share all that God has done on my behalf, and remember His graces, I find the reflection gets a little easier each time.
I can barely recall the events of the preceding night and morning of Noah’s birth. The effects of the magnesium had taken its toll on my body and had rendered me pretty incoherent. However, I do remember clearly being asked to make a decision regarding an emergency c-section or not. And I remember clearly being rolled into surgery for his birth. How thankful I am for the doctors and nurses who took such good care of us during that time. I am truly thankful for all that the Lord did through the staff at the hospital.
I can still remember how excited Joel was to show Noah to me… and how emotionless I was because of the surgery and recovery. I guess the Lord knew I would not be able to share my emotions for some time after Noah’s birth. Joel seemed to have enough emotions and tears for both of us. 🙂
Two years have come and gone, like a tornado. An actual tornado never seems to last very long, however, the effects can last for a lifetime. That’s how I feel about Noah coming into our lives. (No, I don’t think he’s a tornado who’s destroyed our lives. Bear with me and I’ll try to join the two.)
Three years ago, Joel and I were in wedded bliss… blissfully unaware of the future. We had no thoughts or plans for the unexpected “storm” that was brewing for us. After nine months, we soon realized that a “tornado” had begun to wreak havoc on our lives. This “tornado” came in the form of a little boy named Noah. The day he was born changed our lives forever.
This little “tornado” has torn down every preconceived thought I had of myself, my life, my worth, my future. He has changed the overall layout of my life. Where there were once strong towers, now lay ruins. (I know this is not sounding good, but trust me, it is.) Where I once had pride in myself, I now had doubts and fears and anxiety like I had never known before. Where I once felt sure of my footing in life, I now had to walk in faith.
The last two years, the “tornado”, affectionately known as Noah, has uprooted my entire belief system and structure regarding myself and the world around me. And I’m so much better for it.
Had this “storm” blown through my life with quickness and less lasting results, I never would have had to rebuild areas that were in desperate need of repair. Thankfully, the “tornado” has not brought complete devastation but localized destruction… and over a period of time.
So many of the thoughts I had about my future life have been swept away by the existence of Noah. And for that, I’m sincerely thankful. I’m so thankful that I don’t have to go in to work every day and deal with the mundane or routine or otherwise unpleasantness that was work. I’m so thankful that I don’t have to deal with everyone else’s misery at my expense. I’m so thankful that I don’t have to stress over what my boss thinks of me every second of the day. Those days are long gone and not missed. Don’t get me wrong… I was very thankful for my job. I was thankful for the outlet of adult interaction on a daily basis. But it was literally sucking the life out of me. Thankfully the Lord had other plans for my life.
Do I struggle with the day-to-day routine of life with a toddler? Absolutely. Do I stress over what people think of me as a mom, wife, woman? You better believe it! Do I have to deal with Noah’s ever-changing moods that come in a whirlwind of emotions sometimes? Um, yes. Do I lose sight of my Creator and His hand in my life and forget the many blessings He has given me? Sadly, more often than not do I forget to praise Him.
Often times I am left at the end of the day wondering what in the world I have gotten accomplished that day except to shower. And even showering is a struggle on some days. How do I spend my hours? I have no idea, but I’m trying to figure it out. Every time I feel like I get a foothold on a rock (time well spent, embracing my relationship with the Lord, etc.), I’ll get my grip and start to move up when the foothold gives way and I’m holding on for dear life with just one hand grip. It’s my own fault, I know it. God doesn’t move away. He doesn’t change. We do. I do. And I’m so fickle! One day I can’t praise Him enough, can’t pray enough, can’t spend enough time with Him. And then two weeks go by and I’ve done nothing more than whisper a few words to Him when I’m washing dishes… for the fifth time that day. How does God fit into a day-to-day routine that’s not really a routine but a “flying by the seat of my pants” exercise called my life?
I’m not complaining, I’m sincerely asking. I’m truly not complaining, even though it’s impossible to reach out from this place at my desk and tell you how sincere I am. The old me, the one who worked at least 40 hours a week, never made dinner, rarely cleaned the house, and thought only of myself, doesn’t fit in with the new me… the 40-year-old mom of a very active, loving, engaging toddler. The wife who longs to fix home-cooked meals each night but has gotten discouraged by the amount of work required to make that meal while loving and engaging that active toddler. The woman who desires to clean and straighten her home to its perfectly pristine “nesting” state so that we all feel happy and content within its walls. All words I have spoken before. All thoughts I have put in writing on previous occasions.
As you may have guessed by now, this blog has become somewhat of an outlet for my feelings, thoughts, struggles, and hopes. In the blogosphere world, it seems like there is a nebulous “you” out there who cares about these things. With so little interaction on my blog, it’s easy to forget that people actually read these words. And it’s easy to put hand to keyboard and type out my thoughts. I find that by typing them out I am actually releasing them as if I am speaking them to a dear friend and not to the nebulous “you” that is reading right now. So thanks for being nebulous. I now understand the reason for the lack of interaction. And that’s ok. 🙂
Anyway, on to bigger and better topics… Noah D. We were thankful to get some time down at my grandmother’s house recently. As always, we take a day to go over and see Joel’s sister’s family since they’re a little over an hour away from my grandmother. To say that the entire trip was a success, well, it was. Noah didn’t sleep more than 30 minutes in the car on the way down or back… during the whole seven hour trip… in a carseat… seven hours. And then he didn’t nap at all the day after we got down there. At all. No nap. Did I mention seven hours in the car? I think Joel and I were more stressed over Noah not napping than Noah’s not napping stressed him. (Does that make sense?)
After the no-napping incident, we had a wonderful time down in the sunshine state. Loved having Noah at the ocean and just watching him experience all the wonders of being there. Truly loved where our condo was situated and actually got to stay an extra night due to the generosity of the owner. We will most certainly go back to this one as it suits us almost perfectly. (We did move the mattress into the den for Noah to have the bedroom. Sleeping that long, even on a nice mattress, on the floor did a little stress to our backs. But it was our choice.)
On our way home, we decided to get Noah a snack at Chick-Fil-A around south Atlanta. Thinking we had given him fried chicken nuggets before, we decided to do it again. Just north of Gainesville, we decided to stop at Bibi’s house to pick up my produce from the market that she had been gracious enough to pick up for us. While I was inside getting the food, Noah was apparently beginning to vomit. I walked outside to Joel honking the horn to get my attention. Noah lost all of his food in his carseat and all over his clothes. Thankfully we were in Bibi’s driveway so we all went inside to get Noah into the bath and cleaned up immediately.
We had no signs that Noah was having a reaction. Normally, he will get red splotches on his face when he comes in contact with dairy. We know it was the nuggets since Bibi’s sister works at CFA and confirmed that the nuggets are given a milk bath before the breading. Noah had some hives after throwing up but was otherwise fine. We were all exhausted and decided to head home after an unexpected 30 minute stop.
Going our usual way home, we got to the major intersection at the highway and found that it was shut down due to a severe accident. We had just come through this intersection to get to Bibi and Tim’s house, and there was no accident there. And by the time we got there, the wreckers were already there. Here’s where God’s goodness shines so greatly, its brilliance is hard to view. Based on what we saw, we determined that the wreck had to have happened about the time we would have been at that intersection heading home… had Noah not had an allergic reaction. Seriously, y’all… someone died and someone was Lifeflighted to a hospital from this accident. If Noah did not have dairy allergies, we very easily could have been involved in the accident. And since it appeared that at least two of the cars ended up right next to where we would have been at the light, God spared us from experiencing that trauma. Noah’s allergies could have spared one, if not all, of our lives. And God knew that from before time began.
If for no other reason than that, God is due all the praise for the “trouble” of Noah’s allergies in our lives. I still can’t believe the enormity of it all. Needless to say, we all got home and went to bed rather quickly after that trip.
The week of Noah’s birthday party brought a fever to little man. Not very surprising since we had been to The Factory in Franklin the week before where his little hands were on everything there. And, we found him licking (yes, I said licking) the plastic container we have sitting on the back deck. I guess he thought he would drink water like Bo from the top of the container. Either way, he had a fever for about three days which was long enough for us. We decided to act a little differently this time and instead of giving him medicine for the fever, kept it to a nominal level and gave him lots of rest and liquids to let it run its course. So thankful for the Lord’s healing since we were really stretched to try this new way of approach.
We had Noah’s birthday party with just a handful of Noah’s friends on hand to celebrate. We had a blast and truly enjoyed each other’s company as the kiddos played with all of his toys, new and old. My friend made a vegan cake for us that was DELICIOUS! Noah loved eating it, especially the fondant letters. So thankful that we had just the right number of adults and kids here to not make our home feel stuffed to the gills.
Of course, Noah had a recent trip to his doctor for his two-year check-up. He hated being weighed and especially having his height measured. The doctor thinks he’s short but I just don’t think he was standing up when they measured him. She is such a gracious doctor and I’m so thankful for her guidance. She doesn’t scold and often commends us for how we handle Noah. Really love her and appreciate her advice, when requested. 🙂
And in case you didn’t know, Joel turned 40 two days after Noah’s birthday. I surprised Joel with a date night to Greenville to an old favorite of ours, Saskatoon. Of course, it’s a wild game restaurant so no vegan fare was even thought of for the evening. Unfortunately, to my dismay, they didn’t even have a salad option. So I opted for the salmon, which I must say was delicious but I paid the price the next day. 🙂 Another cake made its arrival while we were out for the night to surprise Joel that was just too cute and super yummy. Noah didn’t even know it was in the house since it was nowhere near vegan.
Well, since Noah’s standing beside me holding a book for me to read, and I’ve got more written here than I ever thought possible, I’m going to wrap this up. Looking forward to spending time with some friends who will soon be departing to venture into a new way of life, bringing with it many tears and sadness. 😦 Will also be heading to Asheville soon for the Big Love Fest which had to be postponed from earlier in the year. Super excited about that trip!!
Enjoy, once again, the rather abundant pictures.